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random bytes of mental data from the archives

author — michael ammerman

timeline — 1986 2015 (multi-year batch update coming early 2021)

the following content includes several freeform poems, writings and thoughts from my journal.

05.09.2015_12:11pm

michael ammerman

love

love is feeling

falling

believing

achieving

a touch

a smile

a kiss

love is love

for without it

life isn’t life

04.14.2008_10:38pm

michael ammerman

desires

to be

is in the moment

the moment

we stop

to feel

the good

with the bad

to look in

to look out

sometimes open wounds

others

old friends

then

we stop

realizing

life

is in front of us

not behind

the scars

are now

stars

the perspective

we once knew

is shed

each day

these

these are the desires

we each share

for without them

we are simply mortal

10.04.2007_8:18pm

michael ammerman

infinite

change

forever

infinite

remember

forever

never forget

infinite

cycles

spinning

up

down

never forget

infinite

everything

yet

not found

05.04.2007_2:48pm

michael ammerman

time

time

you don’t have to always be right

let it go

this isn’t the end

we fight

never stop

i don’t need this

life is a whole lot more

we need to stop

feel the moment

then let it go

time

time will tell

time is saying

stop

05.04.2007_2:42pm

michael ammerman

i wish (nirvana)

i wish i was like you

easily amused

05.04.2007_1:02pm

michael ammerman

it’s crazy

it is

it’s crazy

it’s crazy what you could have had

it’s crazy

could have had

04.14.2007_2:05pm

michael ammerman

i still haven’t found what i’m looking for (inspired by U2)

up and down

the taste of stale bread

even when it’s sugar

i can’t seem to find the top

from the bottom

yet i have ‘made it’

multiple times

multiple chapters

yet

they all read the same

yet are worlds apart

i’ve kicked down doors

yet have opened more

i’ve awakened to the universe

and yes, i am forever thankful

for the life i have been given

but satisfaction hasn’t knocked at my door

i am capable of more

i can be better

i want to inspire

i want to achieve

yet

i must find a balance

that’s true

i am not perfect

nor will i ever be

but as the shadows show me

i see with one eye

and feel with the other

not blind

but one that binds

one that finds

those without eyes

and

i will always dream

until my last breath

04.14.2007_2:05pm

michael ammerman

after all

after all

it moves and doesn’t stop

like the hands

of a clock that has no patience

but

after all

this is life

we choose to love or hate

after all

it is our choice

things are filled with fear

but i deny that pathway

after all

what does that provide

nothing

i choose life

light

colour

encounters

after all

what else is there

03.11.2007_2:05pm

michael ammerman

between

as one moves

from place to place

things shift

things collide

in this transition

between

is where we learn

to live

to love

to invite beings

new beings

new things

into our lives

into our world

between

is where we grow

we grow strong

we show the real individual

the one we know is always there

but hides

not between

but within

until we make the leap

the jump

fear

exhilaration

it’s all there

but if we sit idle

staring

thinking

what if?

there is no between

only concept

sidelines

and missed opportunities

between

is when we step it up

push forward

we become one

between

11.28.2006_3:07am

michael ammerman

the page has turned

life bridges us

across tactile moments

simple change

death

divorce

happiness

bliss

nothing more

nothing less

it cut’s deep

yet heals each time

and we have one choice

to live life

a full swing

full contact

that’s what makes life livable

infinite

opening up the heavens

to see

to see the sun

wide open eyes

no blinking

it’s like love

one has to fall

it’s all up to you and i

fall

it is blue

it is passion

but it is heaven and hell

order and chaos

choose the right path

always forward

never back

08.02.2006_3:03am

michael ammerman

feelings

through it all

i feel hope

belief

glass half full

tastes of smoke

can’t see

but i still

i still believe

because

i must

there simply

is no choice

we must connect

no choice

no choice

no choice

it’s simple

forgive

there is always tomorrow

and that is not a privilege

nor a choice

if you are dead

07.30.2006_4:15am

michael ammerman

justice

the enigma

the fuel

it makes us kill

strap bombs to our kids

justice

in the end

we all loose

we’ve lost

who’s the winner

christ

budda

allah

the old test

or the new

seems quite easy

stop the killing

accept eachother

i realize

i’m ignorant

i don’t understand

that sort of faith

i’m selfish

i believe in myself

i believe in good

i believe in hope

if i was black

and poor

i would gather my brethren

and speak of hope and love

there are only two ways

you can follow love

or fear

if i was jewish i would say the same

if i was palestinian,

again the same

there is a cord we all want

love and acceptance

to be respected

to have our individual faith

we are far from the end

i might not see the light

at the end of the tunnel

but i have a flashlight

…forgiveness

06.07.2006_12:35pm

michael ammerman

one day after

06.06.06… a series

numbers that mean such

some letters mean more

christ

ala

budda…

most end in strife

some eternal war

others create hope

lasting hope

how does it differ

dna

social

eco

geo

power

is man meant to follow

or lead

justification becomes tough

intelligent design

darwin

wtf

follow or lead

stop killing

and controlling

if not

maybe

just maybe

numbers mean something

i think

people do

spirits do

the universe does

unite we must

06.07.2006_12:47pm

michael ammerman

waiting

i’m waiting

pushing

pulling

conflicted

directed

i’m waiting

what for

what colour

what tone

what scent

i’m waiting

to stand still

to shock

to rest

to feel

i’m waiting

for the sunrise

for the sunset

for the next second

for tomorrow

i’m waiting

for you

for strength

for tenderness

for stillness

i’m waiting

for an angel

06.07.2006_01:12pm

michael ammerman

reflection

each day

memory echos

sounds gather

adjustments made

push for honesty

compassion

crossing divides

who built the divide

is it needed to connect

where has the spirit gone

the connection

shared by natives

water

earth

fire

that honesty

integrity

purpose

we’re set afloat

on a boat

with no guidance

yet we create to destroy

to control

the connection

the reflection

we have to reach back

touch the wind

understand what lies

within the divide

as opposed

to crossing it

take time

reflect

06.07.2006_01:24pm

michael ammerman

i see

i see

the rain

the truth

what has happened

what will happen

i see

to often

to loud

to proud

to open

i see

thankfulness

gratitude

poverty

passion

i see

leaves

streets

signs

auras

i see

what i shouldn’t do

what i do

what i need to do

what i don’t do

i see

goodness

bitterness

incompetence

beauty

i see

and sometimes

don’t want to

i feel…

06.07.2006_2:46pm

michael ammerman

do don’t

discriminate

aggravate

associate

meditate

exacerbate

isolate

integrate

masturbate

dictate

irritate

assimilate

segregate

debate

hibernate

mediate

hyperventilate

irate

motivate

reverberate

gesticulate

gyrate

instigate

propagate

hate to hate

06.07.2006_3:11pm

michael ammerman

looking for something

looking and looking

no place or nothing

leading to infinity

tasting like wine

up and down again

finding nothing to find

love is a clue

answers all around

love is the fruit

yet hard to find

endless possibilities

a ball of twine

ready to unwind

under rocks

around switch-backs

heart and mind

keep pushing for something

yet no clue why

grass is greener

on the other side

expecting the moment

yet hard to find

looking for something

with nothing

with nothing but time

06.14.2006_11:56pm

michael ammerman

need

i need somebody

somebody in colour

somebody in flesh

somebody in tone

the sharpness

the texture

the fight

healthy

but right

the note

the tone

the fire

when it knocks you down

hurts your soul

yet you follow

no choice

no doubt

i need somebody

somebody who feels

deep as a wound

deep as a well

it’s so fucking simple

yet harder than death

harder than bleeding

we want it

but don’t want to give

give up

what

ourselves

our lives

our integrity

fuck that

fuck it all

we need

we need

we need…

love

06.14.2006_12:09pm

michael ammerman

the chase

i thought

time and time again

make the call

make the leap

i tossed

i turned

the one thing

that meant

the life to me

i didn’t chase

i didn’t fight

what irony

the hard-on

the super-human

yet

i let you go

the one i loved

my soul-mate

it hurts

but it was right

maybe not

for me

but

certainly

for you

06.10.2004_11:45pm

michael ammerman

not afraid

soft tip

easy lip

quick take

then the quake

sure as red

hot as fire

stop

then go

death

then life

easy come

hard to go

who’s to say

life is grand

it shifts

in bounds

then the gift

of birth

or thought

or peace

the smell

of spring

the touch

of a new friend

or a distant

past

communication

like a sign

not wasted

not afraid

not now

not later

it shifts

it sands

great

but

still

not afraid

just curious

06.05.2004_02:02am

michael ammerman

lift

which ways up

where to go

lead me dad

one hint

behind your back

no looking

stop sign

turn left

always up

never down

but life

is winding

and shifts

abrupt

keep clear

clear as rain

feel the way

dark but not

sleep

awake

whats the point

without shift

believe

cause today

we steal the sign

and make our way

up again

never down

taste the current

touch the god

make a left

at a right

lift

until you can’t

fall

only for love

05.13.2004_01:56am

michael ammerman

picture

the views

the highs

the lows

life

ingrained

in memory

in emulsion

in pixels

fragile

yet burnt

in our memories

on our hard drives

on our calendars

sweet days

swift nights

wake up

and feel

the new day

brisk

bright

open

sort of like

nothing happened

an open book

with pages creased

which way to go

straight up

or down

have you told

the truth

will you pass go

the noise is loud

and clear

it speaks of

the truth

as it always has

open

enlightening

reflecting

clear

where does it lead

how does it end

like paint

fluid

but it has to dry

hopefully

waiting

for the picture

to arise

open

and clear

it always ends

in a picture

framed

for all to see

beauty

and the beast

going to love it

and push

for the sky

05.06.2004_11:02am

michael ammerman

we

we open

we cry

we float

we die

we harness

we lift

we kill

we lie

we shift

we miss

we kiss

we fall

we shut

we caress

we abuse

we all

we hit

we walk

we push

we yell

we hold

we do

we listen

we smell

we see

we don’t

we strike

we won’t

we burn

we stare

we hate

we spare

04.10.2004_11:38pm

michael ammerman

another

it starts

over and over

infinite times

questions

thoughts

many beliefs

few gifts

of life

of openness

the world

subsides

and falls

yet birth brings hope

and death brings

questions

thoughts

many beliefs

few gifts

yet we move

and move

another place

another thought

another memory

another life

04.10.2004_11:31pm

michael ammerman

it’s all right

no cry

no loss

right the wrong

in a poem

cast it away

let it live

take a breath

let me be

open wide

to the shifts

up and down

take a breath

it’s clear

it’s red

i followed you

here

take a breath

spirits high

stand firm

open

clear the air

take a breath

it’s all right

fall

clear

blue

04.10.2004_11:21pm

michael ammerman

isn’t it strange

life keeps moving

without soul

without mind

it’s peaks

it’s valleys

it’s colours

lift

but for a moment

it’s sounds

it’s feelings

it’s memories

the reality

the dreams

the hope

lost

yet open

to catch

and to fall

the morning air

brings another

to touch

to smell

to lift

isn’t it strange

12.11.2003_11:24pm

michael ammerman

life

life is but a dream

to feel

to touch

to challenge ourselves

to be honest

and good

and follow

our path

deviate when need be

follow when needed

lead when called upon

this is life

this is living

12.09.2003_2:24pm

michael ammerman

untitled

today… is new

yesterday… is over

12.09.2003_1:37am

michael ammerman

life

life

fucking hurts

at times

hopeless

then a tune

a touch

a morning

a breath

a smile

12.09.2003_1:09am

michael ammerman

untitled

try.

fall.

speak.

open.

close.

yell.

grip.

touch.

feel.

all.

death.

me.

you.

touch.

sting.

we.

are…

all.

_alive.

12.09.2003_12:32am

michael ammerman

i can

life

always shifting

as if it has something to prove

to wrestle you to the ground

as if to say

i am all knowing

i am your god

i am your savior

when all you want

is another breath

another gasp

one more candle

and to say

i can

10.10.2003_12:24am

michael ammerman

my mind is racing

infinite pass

someone speaks out loud

the color red

why does this seem

seem to be unfair

the pain

the threshold

almost unbearable

shifting to and fro

I miss the subtle

laps of waves

morning kiss

where did it go

why so soon

why so painful

for a moment

it appeared to slow

just a moment

the color red

opens my mind

opens my heart

passing us by

like the smell of a rose

or the touch of a stranger

too preoccupied

for life

my mind is racing

like it always will

10.01.2003_12:41am

don’t leave me behind

I hope for openness

the bread crumbs for the needy

doesn’t seem to exist

I read about the killings

feel the smoke

taste the burn

is there a reason for all of this

why I am still consumed

with my life

my feelings

It’s always a story

without an end

life, death, tragedy

for what?

I fell hope

I always do

but at times it is so tough

to cut through

all of the pain

I see

I feel

tough

I don’t want to miss the train

I don’t want

eternity

and life’s true color

don’t leave me behind

09.12.2003_02:07am (09.11.2003)

michael ammerman

without

what are we left with?

not in nyc

but as a race

when we turn to war

to hatred

to fear

and to death

is this what it means?

to be a democracy

or a muslim

or a german

or african

or american…

or human

when will it stop?

never

not until

we are all too tired

to care

can we stop?

I think not

too late

too much blood

too much anger

too much fear

it’s best this way

much easier

much easier than peace

all of the poems from the month of june this 2003 are related to the passing of my father on june 13, 2003. they are of course very personal but I never shy away from sharing my life experiences as an artist and a human. enjoy.

06.21.2003_12:13am

michael ammerman

i’m here

i feel

i’m weak

and delicate

i’m strong

and dad

i’m here

i’m ok

it will be tough

like a tree

at times

i will sway

but i won’t break

i’m here

don’t worry

you taught me well

with dignity

and honor

i will carry on

and dad

i’m here

if you need to talk

it won”t be missed

i will be here

at times i will fall

but never to far

for i am your son

like a tree

at times

i will sway

but i won’t break

i’m here

06.21.2003_12:13am

michael ammerman

always

i lay here

in a dream

not real

my father is gone

what a man

playing catch

always there

bricks and mortar

infinite wisdom

if and only if

can it be again

can he still comfort me

from afar

like he has

so many times

before

can i still

make him proud

how did he know

did he know

what happened

why is he gone

was it really his time

why so much pain

not for me

for him

doesn’t seem fair

for such a great man

he was

and still is

he will always be

the teacher

the coach

and my father

for i will miss him always

06.21.2003_12:05am

michael ammerman

please explain

don’t see it

how can it happen

one day

full of breath

the next empty

one day

full of life

the next

last breath

please explain

why do the birds

still sing

yet i

i can’t raise my head

a man with such magnetism

falls to the sword

like a child

with no father

doesn’t make since

please explain

why is it

why is flesh

so mortal

so delicate

so worthless

is this religion

is this faith

i’m not sure

i feel

i feel pain

please explain

06.21.2003_10:42pm

michael ammerman

good bye

dad

are you ok

are you in a better place

feels so heavy

thought i had strength

not like this

too heavy

can’t sleep

just want one last conversation

one last pep talk

one last chance

but i realize

it can’t be

an unworldly feeling

many questions

much anger

much love

can’t lie

just seems

like a nightmare

never had many

until now

can’t say good bye

need a sign

a sign of life

saw the sunset

saw the tears

saw the family

felt strange

but good

just don’t want

don’t want

to say good bye

06.21.2003_10:21pm

michael ammerman

as if

wake up

to mornings light

move about

wait for the moment

and pick apart the rest

typical life

then it shifts

so quickly

head spins

heart aches

what was life

before

seems distant

is distant

can’t go back

don’t usually want to

this time is different

very

what is faith

does it make it all go away

doubt it

but i would try

hurts like hell

want it back

the feeling

the conversation

the warmth

if i could

as if

as if nothing happened

06.20.2003_9:20pm

michael ammerman

for him

one day

life was fine

seemed to be going

in the right direction

then the call

then the loneliness

the sadness

why

stupid question

it’s life

it sucks

doesn’t seem fair

not for me

for him

such dignity

such honor

he taught me well

the best anyone could

could i have done anything

he would say no

he would say

i am so happy

that you are well

that you are doing it

i say

i would rather have you

i would rather have you

written at 1:15 p.m. Friday 06.13.2003

mom called with the news of my fathers passing at 12:45 p.m. Friday 06.13.2003

read 06.17.2003 (service in orlando, florida)

greatness — (to my father)

he was a man of greatness

a man of strength

he challenged those around him

to be honest

to have respect

simply, to feel

he was a man

like a vintage wine

got better and better with age

he had sensitivity

beyond our grasp

he was first-most

a father

and damn

he did a impeccable job

at the peak of my career

he told me that

life is more

your health is more

cherish life

and live a quality life

a rich life

a sensitive life

a strong life

and for that

i respect this great man

for he was my father

the best a son could have

i will forever miss him

i will forever respect him

i will forever honor him

thank you dad

for making me who i am today

i love you

lost memories

(lost journals from 01.2003–05.2003)

acquired space

new ideas

lost transactions

open

new possibilities

infinite loop

starts the soul

sunrise

sunset

no difference

like the beginning

like an island

open

explore

lost memories

infinite possibilities

journal 11.28.2002_11:40pm

michael ammerman

thanksgiving.02

starts with pain

head aches

why

introspection

what’s new

outward thoughts

what gives

always open

slightly impatient

always moving

even when standing still

what is thanks

thanksgiving

lots of thoughts

different perspectives

warmth

uncertainty

but that has passed

the future is now

lava

surf

will miss the fall

gain the sunsets

the horizon

miss the friends

miss the mom

always have been open

since my first day

as a stranger

doesn’t get any better

true love

true spirit

warmth

like turkey

and conversation

will miss it

journal 11.09.2002_1:42am

michael ammerman

hawaii.01

is it the next step

high or low

things make sense

for once

no weight

no wait

never was really

ok

there was

ny is fine

doesn’t need the lift

has peter

has lou

the street calls

just not as loud

just tired

fucking tired

tired of listening

listening to running

the heart

the demon

breakfast time

time to feed

where did the kid go

the one in the tube

vortex

matrix

hollow

blow out

wake up

time to get off the plane

you’re in hawaii

journal 11.09.2002_1:20am

michael ammerman

fortunate bliss.01

everyone you wanted to know

has gone away

at the same jest

there are the ones to touch

no one doubts them

you can’t blame the tides

the sun sets each and

every day

fall is sheer brilliance

nothing that can’t be touched

just like

the ones

the ones who graced my presence

tastes like the wind

sharp colour

sharp against the heart

such a glancing blow

makes you want

want to do it all over again

sharp

journal 10.19.2002_10:12pm

michael ammerman

300 meg or time passed.01

where did it go

was it three megs

not too much to do

the night always rolls quickly

waiting for monday

some day the tides will roll

no weight

no wait

just flight

the trees below

the sound

a murmur

the tone light

the colour bright

who was that

the corner echos

not sure what the flavor was

tasted sharp

bright

the blades were open

against the neck

movement quick

as usual

soft

but quick

none the less

it closed

as it opened

with sheer confidence

and emotion

journal 10.18.2002_1:20am

michael ammerman

a day in the life of the hack.01

just a joke

went to work

came home

sat around w/ mick

drank beer

talked about macs and other shit

drank more

mick left

hung out

hacked

found mac journal

wrote

hacked

eat

listened to music

bed

journal 04.14.2002_2:10am

michael ammerman

twilight.01

twilight

where did it come from

i didn?ft realize

it was all over

my heart yearns

this was once

all i knew

and all i felt

i?fm open to what is now

the dawn has just opened

and twilight is near

i will never forget

what i felt

each moment

i feel the red

the moment shakes

heart drops

sweat

fingers grow weak

where did the energy go

the twilight was

within my grasp

i don?ft want to leave

it?fs one of the gestures

where it doesn?ft target the soul

it was all over

my heart yearns

journal 04.14.2002_1:54am

michael ammerman

i am the captain of this ship.01

i am the captain of this ship

in the ebb and flow

the sun shifts

the bodies ache

this is life

the moment happens

quiet load

hell

open wide spectrum gaze

it’s easy

if one just

sits

and

listens

tender glass

wine

colour shifts

in the ebb and flow

i am the captain of this ship

journal 04.14.2002_2:04am

michael ammerman

open.01

sky grey

it’s just another spring day

off

but not the same

it?fs much more open

this day

seems much more hopeful

open

always open

the blue

one can always see inspiration

through the black

sprinting to the one that was left behind

who was identified

who named the street

what did it mean

my name was given

but it has meaning

i feel it does

the grass is open

and at times

that is all that matters

life’s vibrations

feed the soul

in each and every move

the sky is still

grey

but the blue is open

journal.03.30.2002d.10:00pm

open

green

blue

soft

inspiring

gritty

scent

touch

smell

movement

watch out

don’t move so quickly

run

open

colour

what street

LES

light

smoke

10

smile

don’t smile

feel

life

journal.03.30.2002c.9:56pm

the boy had his eyes

affixed to the screen

not to let anything go by

he would catch it

bottle it up

and take it with him

the temperature was hot

damn hot

why could he not

hold it in his palm

to lay it down

would be

to leave it vulnerable

if he could just hold it tight

maybe it all would change

tight

affixed

palm

smash

dropped

gone

why

journal.03.30.2002b.9:51pm

rhythm

motion

sound

what was it for

why did it pass by

I know I was looking

but It passed so quickly

this time will be different

the sound won?ft escape me

vibration

energy

kinetic

humming

the day is crisp

blue

and clear

not a monday

journal.03.30.2002_9:45pm

at moments

life presents itself

infinitely expanding

spacial

aural

it’s sharp

the corners extreme

to navigate

one has to have

wits

open mind

what if one slips

or falls

how to respond

force

open

blue

empty

yet extremely tight

static emotions prevail

it simply takes

a single step

just one

journal 09.26.2001_2:34a.m. (NYC 9.11.2001)

michael ammerman

today.01

today

we wake up

and feel

as though

we have felt this way

before

the grass seems a little more vibrant

a little clearer

a little fresher

but yet the sky

is not so bright

not as it is

the days when it seems

to bounce

across every little element

today

it’s different

something feels

just a little out of place

the world seems off

just a little off

i can’t place the feeling

i have never felt this

before

journal 09.26.2001_2:26a.m. (NYC 9.11.2001)

michael ammerman

flower.01

what was it really?

a flower or just a stem.

did it sting,

or just frighten?

was it because of the rain?

or just the aftermath.

the light was at once

so warm,

but i really didn’t see anyone.

darkness prevailed.

it almost felt like christmas

but

no christ

just a simple paper

reading tuesday.

what did it all mean?

where did the flower go?

journal 12.18.2000

michael ammerman

renaissance.01

the transitional period between the middle ages

and modern times c 1350-c 1650 : a period of vast

change and significant achievment. it was a period of

extraordinary accomplishment in the arts and sciences

typified by the universal genious leonardo da vinci.

this universal and multidimensional idea has somewhat

been put to the wayside. artisans and individuals alike

are respected for specialization and paid for monotany.

where have the renaissance artisans gone? are they still

here?

a belief of this type of diversity has been a way of life

and extremely strong belief since i can remember. this

multi-dimensionality i speak of creates dynamic

outcomes. it provokes and stimulates the mind and spirit

to not be satisfiied with the overproduction of ones

dicipline but to embrace these oposites and reward

oneself with this renaissance idea. the idea to explore

all dimensions, diciplinesand mediums.

in my brief lifetime as an artist (nearly 11 years of my 30

year span) i have used many mediums to stimulate

others. as a steel sculptor i used architecture and interior

space as a playground for dynamic movements which

brought life to my sculptural forms. recently painting has

brought forth a dimension i never dreamed existed within

sculpture. the ironies never cease. now new media and

the virtual world have expanded my reality ten fold. the

point being, the dimensions exist and the explorations

are out there, one just has to open his or her eyes

enough to experience them.

to specialize is to stop thinking.

journal 06.1999

michael ammerman

peak.06

man is his own invention: every artists

problem is to invent himself.

robert motherwell. preface to ‘the rise of

cubism’ (1966).

every individual has hope to create something

in life which he or she can be proud of.

few might have the desire to take this and

expose it for the world to see.

some might even take this challenge to

enlighten those whoes minds are open.

for some the foothills are too close, to see

the peaks beyond.

for those, i wish them well.

for it is a beautiful world from atop these

peaks,

you must simply have the courage to take

the first step.

journal 03.1999 (insight into painting)

michael ammerman

energy.03

en.er.gy (en’er-ji),n.;pl.

in physics, an atribute by virtue of which one

portion of matter can produce change in

another.

‘all that we observe in the universe’.

this world encircles us with energy each day

we awake…

we choose to feel or to not.

this project before you is that of ‘life energies’;

life, death, bliss, tragedy, motion, stillness,

man, nature, obstical, portal, open, closed,

static, kinetic.

each canvas is a stage. on this stage a single

performance is taking place. in each is the

existence of a presence. this is where we find

the essence of basic emotion.

with this in mind, titles are surperfluous. the

experience of each performance is completely

in the eye of the viewer or participant.

one must not look with only optics and mind.

each act must be felt as if an old friend or

total stranger…

this is basic human emotion.

journal 04.1998

michael ammerman

beauty.04

you’ve tried to find her,

and you’ve looked in vain

up the picture and down again,

you’ve tried to fashion her of broken bits,

and you’ve worked yourself into seventeen fits;

the reason you’ve failed to tell you i can,

it isn’t a lady but a man.

… from the writings of marcel duchamp one

can feel the idea that our lives are not always

what we think we see. you create your own

reality.

self-perception is that only of what you yourself

have come to believe. the beauty of this, is just

that, beauty. one can create their own idea of

reality. art in it’s own existence is ones own

reality.

the only difference, if any, is that one can

transpose their reality on others.

expression is a true form of plastering your

gestures and thoughts for all to see.

some might choose to rationalize these

expressions, to better understand their reality…

others might be comfortable to ponder…

this is the beauty.

THE LOST WRITINGS

05.18.2002

michael ammerman

untitled

today is positive

today is growth

up

blue

not once

the street is long

with delicate touch

severe

open

rythmic tempo

one one one two

soft

voice

strength

the smell of spring

or summer

what’s the difference

it’s all about growth

positive voice

perspective

06.06.2000

michael ammerman

untitled

ideas expand

the aroma of chance

taste it

smell it

there is nothing

that sting

ocean breeze

50 miles an hour

through a straw

06.08.02

michael ammerman

untitled

the day moved

once open

orange tip

open

grass

green

the wind

moved my soul

the sign read

one way

why was life so short

upward movement

blue

white caps

sharp pain

sorrow

one movement

one gesture

one touch

one cut

one wound

yet open

grace

yellow

bliss

life within

an infinite kiss

06.08.02

michael ammerman

untitled

I’m here

I will always move

one blossom

one motion

wrong turn

open portal

which way

feel

texture

sharp

where did the light go

what did it mean

cut

bright day

sun shines

pebbles under feet

tender step

open mouth

first touch

scared

open

first step

the only way is up

life

yet

so infinite

yet

so vapid

why so difficult

and so powerful

to dominate

open wind

movement

to move right

is to open up

to be green

is it order

or chaos

to move to the top

wounds the soul

if for a moment

can one touch

the heavens

without leaving the ground

does one really need

to read the scripture

when it all feels the same

the soul

the touch

stillness

~1986

michael ammerman

the world

the world will unite,

not as one but as two

separate people,

maybe me,

maybe you,

bombs will fly

people will die…

then the sun breaks out

above the clouds.

the dusk of a new day

but wait…

there is nobody in sight

but corpses of lashed and

frayed

bodies thrown about.

was it worth it?

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